Sunday 5 January 2014

New Year, New Me?

I know it's a little late now, but Happy New Year everyone!

So a whole year is over and a new new one has begun. This is a time to reflect on the year gone by; a time to a time to start afresh and most importantly, a time to move forwards.
Just a word of warning, this is a long post.

A look back at 2013:
Undoubtedly 2013 was one hell of a roller-coaster for me. There were some amazing highs and some awful lows. I rose and I fell. I loved and I lost. I battled and I struggled. But overall - I Grew Up.

I was originally going to do a 'Highlights and Lowlights' sort of thing, but then I realised, I don't want to focus on the negatives. Yes there were many many low points but I would rather focus on the few good ones instead.

So here are the 'Highlights':

- GCSE Results: Definitely my biggest achievement of 2013 was getting my GCSE results. I say this because, in the two years of GCSE's, I missed 20% because of my poor health. Twenty percent of my school days. One fifth. That is a lot. And because of that I had little hope. But, I walked away with 2A*'s, 4A's and 5B's! I was so proud of myself with that because exam period also happened to be a time when my health was particularly bad. Results Day also meant officially leaving school and that was emotional because for me, certain members of staff really were so amazingly supportive and I will forever be grateful for that.

- The Challenge: Summer of 2013=The Challenge for me. I say this because although there were other a couple of things happening that summer for me too, The Challenge was definitely the most time consuming and by far the best! Seriously, I think taking part was one of the best decisions I made all year! I made so many friends, did so many amazing things, learnt so so much and just had the best time ever. Looking back, all I remember are good memories and part of me even wishes I could do it all over again.

- Starting at The BRIT School: A major achievement for me last year was getting into The BRIT School. I'd said I wanted to go to my friends and family, but never really believed I would, so getting in was a huge surprise.

- Getting a Job: This was a bit of an unexpected one because I wasn't properly job hunting or anything, I just sort of got lucky I suppose haha :) But, I really do love my job now! I've made so many friends and it gives me a reason to get away from home too. Plus getting paid is great too!

- Leaving Hospital: This may seem like a strange Highlight, and could very easily be a Lowlight, but I mean this in a positive way. A few months ago I was admitted to hospital and also had surgery, but 7 weeks ago I was finally able to go home recover there. I think it's fair to say I was glad to leave, and although I may not have fully 'recovered' yet, I'm getting there. While in hospital I also met a variety of people and two of them really touched my heart, so wherever they are today - I wish each of you the very best <3 

- Turning 17: Now I don't actually mean that my 17th birthday was a highlight, because I don't really think it was (I spent my day at the hospital and at work...). What I actually mean is saying goodbye to being 16. They say that the teenage years are supposed to be the best days of your life, but age 16 was one bitch of year at the best of times. So I think it's safe to say I was glad to say goodbye to it.

There were some other great moments too but these were definitely the stand-out ones.

Writing and thinking about that actually brought back so many memories. Some painful and some delightful. There are things I wish I could forget but also things I never want to forget. I've lost count of the amount of times I've said "why me?" last year, and I don't even want to think of the reasons behind each one. 2013 was tough. It was definitely not smooth sailing but somehow I pulled through and managed to create some amazing memories along the way. So much happened last year for me, and as difficult as it has been, it really has made me who I am today.

Someone once very close to me said last year - 'You might be smiling to the world, but I can see right through you. There's a sadness in your eyes, you're hurting inside'. That same person spoke to me on new years day and their honesty and strength has inspired me. They kept their promise even though they had every reason not to and so I really am going to try and make things a little better, for them as much as for myself, and for everyone around me.

Ready for 2014...

A new year does mean a chance for a fresh start. There are many things I want to do this year, and I am determined to make them happen.

New Years Resolutions:

- Spend Less Money: This is a resolution I make every year, and every year I break it. But this year I really do want to try and have a bit of control, especially since I am earning now. That doesn't mean I won't go shopping or that I'm suddenly going to be putting spending bans on myself, instead I just want to save more than I spend.

- Try To Be Healthier: I mean this in a few ways. First and foremost, I want to to change my eating habits. Since I've been allowed home from hospital they have become pretty awful and I can see the effect it is having, so they need to change. I also want to get back into swimming as soon as my doctor lets me because besides really missing it, it was/is pretty much the only form of exercise I can do frequently. Also, I mean this resolution in a different sense too. I mean that I want to try and make my health improve because it really if affecting my life a lot. And not only my life, my parents lives too, and I feel like it's not fair on them.

- Care For The People Around Me: I hate losing people, and in 2013 I lost a lot of people. Some were taken from me and some chose to leave. But either way, every time someone I care about is removed from my life, a little piece of me goes with them. Sooner or later im just going to be left as an empty frame, so I'm determined to make the moments I do have with my loved ones special. Just little acts of kindness can make someone's day.

- Keep a Diary ALL Year: Every year I start a diary but usually a few months in I begin to get lazy and so I think in the last 7 years I've only managed to complete it 3 or 4 times. So this year I'm trying again and hopefully succeeding.

- Be More Organized: This is fairly generally, but as life gets more hectic, I'm finding myself needing to be more prepared and organized for things so I want to try and make it a habit.

- Be a Better Blogger: I feel like I keep saying I will be a better blogger and I really try and then something goes wrong, so this year I am determined to make it work. This also ties in with the being organized one, because once I become a bit more organized blog wise, hopefully the little disasters that keep cropping up won't have so much of an effect on the blog.

- Read More: As the years have gone by I've noticed that I don't read anywhere near as much as I used to. I used to be a proper bookworm and could get through a book a day but nowadays it would take weeks so I just want to get back into it.

So I've made these resolutions and I am going to try hard to stick to them but I also won't beat myself up if I break them because sometimes (or a lot of times in my case) life does just get in the way.

So, New Year = New Me? Perhaps not completely

~You can't change the past but you can shape the future~

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